There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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