turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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