Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
