Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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