I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
