So drunk its hurt
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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