I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
