I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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