you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
