i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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