his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
