I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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