just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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