Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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