if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
