Pappa wants mamma naked
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
