apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
