does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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