Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
