yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
