Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
