i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
