This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
