Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
