i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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