dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
