New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
