P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
