i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
