Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
