Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
home. puking in laundry basket.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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