I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
