You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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