At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
