I wannas sexs uuuuu
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
