remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
