Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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