I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
