you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
