You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
