so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
