We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
