this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
