I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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