why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
