2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just cut my nipple shaving
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
