it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I believe in your delicious
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
