he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
