I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
