You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
