When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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