i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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